Tag Archives: family

Chris, Kay and Carmen Karlberg, 1950's; Chris Karlberg 1973

Baby Charley 1954, Chris Karlberg 2024

For nearly sixty-four years, my mother kept a photo of her and a newborn in her cedar chest. “Baby Charley,” as he was called, had been rushed to a nearby hospital after he was found on the backseat of a car. My nurse mother received the baby boy.

When my mom downsized and moved into a senior living community in 2018, her cedar chest didn’t make the cut. The photo did. It was nestled in a drawer in her nightstand, where it remained until we moved Mom into memory care in January 2021. Since then, that creased photo from 1954 has held a special place on my dresser.

My mom died in March 2023. Last Mother’s Day, I wrote a blog post about her and Baby Charley. Two weeks ago, I had the heartwarming experience of meeting him and his wife, whom I now know as Chris and Debbie Karlberg.

Chris never tried to find information about his birth parents, but Debbie did. Her initial attempt to learn their medical history was unsuccessful. A recent search for baby boys born October 21, 1954 in Butte, Montana led her to my post and to the realization that Chris was Baby Charley.

Debbie shared her discovery with Chris and, with his blessing, tracked down my work number and called a few days later. I learned serendipity played a hand when our secretary said a woman had called for me twice that day. We keep our telephone ringers low in the Hellgate High School library and rely on voicemail when we don’t hear the phone. But instead of leaving a message, Debbie fortuitously called again while my two colleagues were out of the library.

Emotions bubbled as Debbie told me about Chris and his “Leave it to Beaver” childhood. I shared the story of the photo and my mom’s concern for Baby Charley, even as dementia began to take hold. I was grateful the circulation desk was quiet throughout our phone call. There were no interruptions nor witnesses as tears puddled in my eyes.

I learned Chris and his adopted sister grew up in Missoula and spent summers at the home their parents built on Flathead Lake. He and Debbie had been happily married for twenty-seven years. He had two bonus sons, and their family had grown to include nine grandchildren. All lived near them. Sadly, his parents and sister had passed away.

Before ending the call, Debbie and I planned for she, Chris and I to get together in the coming days.

My mother was a gracious hostess and always had “hors d’oeuvres” and something sweet at the ready for family and friends. On the cusp of Chris and Debbie’s visit, I felt Mom’s spirit as I arranged brownies and snacks on some of her serving dishes, busying myself to allay my butterflies.

When Debbie and Chris arrived, we exchanged hugs. I escorted them into the kitchen and shared anecdotes about my mom and her dishes. They nodded and smiled, saying their mom had extended similar hospitality.

Coffee and hors d’oeuvres in hand, we settled in at the dining room table. Debbie shared some photos, though said the bulk of their albums had been packed away prior to a remodeling project.

Chris Karlberg, initially called Baby Charley, with his sister, Kay, and mom, Carmen.
Chris, Kay and Carmen Karlberg, 1950’s; Chris Karlberg, 1973

We traded stories, and I learned that Chris’s childhood home–built by his father and grandfather in 1960 and where his parents lived until they passed away–was on West Crestline Drive. Later, his sister lived on East Crestline Drive. My family lived in Missoula from 1955 to 1964, and I returned in 1978. Chris attended first grade at Saint Anthony’s, the year before my two-year tenure there. And when I was young, my family occasionally visited our neighbor’s parents who, unbeknownst to us, lived next door to the Karlbergs. Throughout the past twenty-plus years, I’ve trekked past both Karlberg homes numerous times.

My mom and Chris’s sister shared the nickname, “Kay.” They had the same name, albeit different spelling—Catherine Ann and Kathryn Ann. Chris and Kay’s mom, Carmen, and her friend and neighbor Kay Kress were instrumental in the development of a neighborhood park. Had the opportunity arose, Debbie, Chris and I agreed our moms would have been fast friends.

Chris said he was proud of his name. His grandfather John Karlberg had had a successful contracting business and crafted many beautiful homes in Missoula. His father, Karl, had been a well-respected attorney, and his dad’s legacy lives on in Boone Karlberg. Chris displayed an entrepreneurial spirit from a young age, buying his first Napa Auto Parts store when he was only twenty-one years old.

According to Debbie, meeting Chris was the best thing that had ever happened to her. They have had a full and varied life. Both had stents as EMTs in small Montana towns. In addition, Debbie was an Emergency Services dispatcher, and Chris was a volunteer firefighter and Search and Rescue volunteer who was particularly skilled in underwater rescues.

Currently, Chris and Debbie own six Napa stores. They share a deep love and keep busy with work, caregiving for Debbie’s mom, attending grandchildren’s events and more. The day we met, they had traveled from Polson to Missoula to watch a grandson play in a tennis tournament. I later learned he won his matches.

Chris knew he was born in Butte and adopted as an infant, and he feels love and gratitude for the woman who gave him the gift of life. If she is still alive and would like to connect, he would welcome a reunion. More importantly, he understands that she may want to hold her story in the quiet of her heart.

We took pictures, and I gifted Chris one of the plush throws that had warmed my mom and me when we watched “Jeopardy” and “Wheel of Fortune.” He and Debbie nodded and smiled again when I mentioned our nightly routine. They too are fans of both shows.

Chris and Debbie Karlberg 2024, holding 1954 photo of Kay Antonietti and Baby Charley
Chris and Debbie Karlberg, 2024, holding a 1954 photo of Baby Charley & Kay Antonietti
Chris Karlberg and Karen Buley with a precious, vintage photo and jewelry
Chris Karlberg and Karen Buley with a precious, vintage photo and jewelry, 2024

I also gave them three photos and a copy of my novel Perimenopausal Women with Power Tools, that includes threads of a birth mother, a birth father, a baby, the night sky and more.

Kay Antonietti & Baby Charley, 1954; Kay Parker, 1952;  Kan Antonietti 2021
Kay Antonietti & Baby Charley, 1954; Kay Parker, 1952; Kay Antonietti, 2021

During a phone conversation this evening, Chris shared that his first-grade teacher in 1961-1962 was Sister Mary Martin Joseph. My older brother, who was in Mom’s womb when she cradled Baby Charley, was also in Sister Mary Martin Joseph’s class that year. Over speaker phone, Debbie, Chris and I shared palpable joy as we envisioned an undetectable bond between a classroom mom and a young, redheaded boy. Small world, indeed.

Across the veil that separates this life and the next, I imagine my mother’s sparkling blue eyes and jubilant smile. I believe, after nearly seventy years, she now knows that a special baby has had a wonderful life.

Hoping to gift Kay Antoniett's plush throw to Baby Charley's birth mother one day.
Kay Antonietti often cocooned herself in this plush throw

I’m saving my mom’s maroon throw. Perhaps I’ll have the opportunity to gift it to Baby Charley’s birth mother one day. Regardless, wherever she is, I wish her peace.

Karen Buley and family present PERIMENOPAUSAL WOMEN WITH POWER TOOLS in Leavenworth, WA, April 15, 2023.

Anniversary Celebration and Book Reading

In 2021, I wrote, “As Perimenopausal Women with Power Tools neared its pub date in spring, 2020, I envisioned a book release party. In addition to a short reading, there would be food, drink and conversation—a tribute to the lively evenings my characters shared throughout the book.”

Nearly three years after PWWPT made its quiet entrance into the world, I’m on the cusp of realizing that dream. Please join me on Thursday, May 4 at 7:00 p.m. for a Perimenopausal Women with Power Tools Anniversary Celebration and Reading at Fact & Fiction.

Some of you will be with me in spirit.

Karen Buley reading to family April 15, 2023 in Leavenworth, WA.
Buley family reading in Leavenworth, WA, April 15, 2023.

My two biggest fans will partake from their celestial vantage points.

Author Karen Buley with parents, Dan and Kay Antonietti. NANNY ON THE RUN book reading at Headframe Spirits, Butte, MT
My parents, Dan & Kay Antonietti at 2013 NANNY ON THE RUN reading at Headframe Spirits in Butte, MT.

Grateful for all of you, I’m reminded of additional words from that 2021 blog post: “My parents modeled flexibility and resilience. They also taught me the art of friendship.”

I grieve my father. I grieve his beloved country more.

My eighty-nine-year-old father died on January 5, five days after breaking his hip. He was scheduled for surgery January 3–delayed until his body cleared blood thinners—but worsening congestive heart failure declared itself early that morning. “I’ve had a good life,” Dad said, voice breaking after hearing that his body couldn’t tolerate surgery, that we’d keep him comfortable until his reunion with an army of family and friends in heaven.

My mom and I ordered his breakfast, our thoughts shifted from hoping he would make it through surgery without complications to anticipating the logistics of in-home hospice care. When the first of my siblings arrived, Dad told her, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Inducted into the Butte Sports Hall of Fame in 2009 for his teenaged boxing prowess, we didn’t know whether those were fighting words or a reference to heaven. Fighting words, it turned out, when he mentioned his caregiver soon after: “Maria’s going to have a job.”

Dan Antonietti. A fighter until the end.
My dad, Dan Antonietti, wearing his favorite WW II Veteran cap.

The hospitalist switched him to oral morphine, which relieved Dad’s pain without the sedation of IV Dialudid. He had a glorious day: visiting with Mom and six of their eight children, talking and singing on the phone to grandchildren, and visiting with Maria.

A champion of veterans’ rights, he had planned to testify on their behalf twenty-three times at the Montana legislature this session. Now, instead of Mom being chauffeur and copilot as he navigated the Capitol halls with his walker, Dad dictated testimony from his hospital bed for her pinch-hitter appearance. He talked so fast, it took two of us to take notes.

“Madam Chair and all members of the State Senate Veterans’ Affairs Committee:

For the record, my name is Catherine Antonietti, wife of Dan Antonietti, who is in the hospital and unable to attend this legislative session. He is a member of Post 1448 in Butte, Montana, which is a mile high and a mile deep and all the people are on the level.”

He grinned, then continued in his own words.

“I was the Legislative Chairman of the Veterans of Foreign Wars at the state and national levels.  I voted yes for all legislative bills for the last sixteen years and I continue to cast my vote for every veteran’s bill held in this legislature. I’m glad to see you all back. Thank you, Madam Chair. You’ve all been a big help and I am proud of all of you.”

I fought back tears at his tender words, thinking how proud I was of him. Laughter followed when he said he wanted a beer, then asked for ice cream instead. We told him he could have both. “Just ice cream,” he said. “The kind I like.”

Two sisters went on a grocery run, returning with a half-gallon of ‘Mocha Me Hoppy’ and beer—just in case. Dad had three servings of ice cream that afternoon and evening. He had a couple of bites the next morning, which turned out to be his final meal. He began a steady decline, transitioning from oral morphine to a continuous IV infusion by the time the hospice nurse and social worker arrived for a family consult the following morning.

They asked if we wanted to go to a conference room. Dad hadn’t talked or opened his eyes since the previous evening, but they reminded us hearing was the last to go. We said we wanted to stay.

The nurse listened to his heart and lungs, then said it might only be hours before he passed. She talked about end-of-life care and offered condolences. The social worker did too, lingering to take contact information for bereavement follow-up—offering thirteen months for any or all.

She suggested one-on-one goodbyes with Dad and, after she left, we exited the room so Mom could go first. All eight of us and one brother-in-law followed. Dad’s brow wrinkled in concentration. He didn’t open his eyes, but he moaned and moved his lips. I felt his words in my heart. He died peacefully eleven hours later.

As we reconvened the following morning to discuss funeral plans, Vice President Biden and Congress met to formally count electoral votes. That morning I read factual news, not fake, about fifty-plus ineligible Republican electors—ineligible because they didn’t live in their Congressional Districts, or because as elected officials, they were barred from being “dual office-holders.”

Days earlier, I had contacted numerous senators and representatives, urging them to object to electoral votes because of voter suppression, Russian interference, and because electors’ requests for a briefing on foreign interference had been denied. That morning, I called Montana’s three Members of Congress again, pressing for objections based on this new information.

I felt joyful driving to the mortuary. I imagined Dad and his fellow warriors working the Democratic Caucuses from above, particularly Senator Tester who had known and respected him for his veterans’ advocacy. I sang en route:

Papa Dan, you are the man, you’re up in heaven to take a stand to help change the history of our country. The country you loved and fought hard for, Donald Trump will be no more president-elect of this, our great country. Hallelujah, Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

I knew my chorus of angels might be hypothetical, but I believed the Democrats would fight for justice. Constituents had urged objections for weeks. President Obama had imposed Russian sanctions. Fifty ineligible electors tipped the scale.

I checked my phone when we broke to look at caskets, certain that Colin Powell’s three electoral votes would multiply and he would be elected President. Premature I knew, because objections, debates, and subsequent votes would take time, but I checked again before we segued to our meeting at the cathedral.

An hour later, I read the devastating truth in a grocery store parking lot: not a single senator objected to the votes.

Dad emboldened me with the motto: “You can’t win if you don’t try.” Numbed by the Senate’s inertia, I didn’t cry until driving one hundred twenty miles the next day to pack for his funeral. Angry tears spilled down my cheeks. I cursed Democratic senators and told them about my dad.

He was a fighter. Not a quitter. His dad died when he was ten. Butte-tough, he was a fourteen-year-old featherweight champion. He would have excelled at other sports, too, but he had to work to help support his family.

He was a WW II Veteran. He enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1945, but was honorably discharged after breaking his back in a car accident. Determined to serve his country, he enlisted in the U.S. Army in 1946 and served in the post-war occupation in Japan.

He was a Blackfeet Nation Indian Chief. Honored for his role in securing programs and funding for the Blackfeet people, he was adopted into the tribe in 1972 and given the name A-pi-na-ko Si–pis-to: “Morning Owl.”

He liked Bernie Sanders. Days before he died, he said to me, “I wanted to vote for Bernie but you said that would be a vote for Trump so I voted for Hillary.” He was heartsick that Hillary won the popular vote but lost the Electoral College.

He loved his country, and was proud of his legacy. Seventeen grandchildren. Five great-grandchildren. He wanted to make their world a better place.

But not one of you Senators put up a fight.

That morning, I talked with a lifelong friend. She said one good thing about Dad’s death was that he would not have to see Trump get inaugurated. We shared our hope that her eighty-six-year-old dad wouldn’t either. After nine months of hospice care, he died peacefully four days later.

On January 21, she, her daughter, and I marched in the Women’s March on Montana, carrying our special angels in our hearts. We toasted them afterward with my mom and sister—reveling in memories of two proud Americans and their lives well lived.

Weeks since we said goodbye to my dad, I miss him. I am grateful, too. Grateful that during his graveside military honors when Mom was presented a medal and the words, “On behalf of the President of the United States . . . ,” Barack Obama was President. I am grateful Dad is not here to watch Trump unravel the country he loved, the country he fought for. Most of all, I am grateful he is pain free and resting in peace. Continue reading I grieve my father. I grieve his beloved country more.